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Spring is Coming

Two Thousand and twenty-one in China.
Officially it’s their “Year of The Ox”.
But for the rest of the World, it’s so different.
Plagued by the second “Year of The Chinese Pox”.


Written Works

“Thank you NANNY”

Here it is, another laugh! Our new book, that helped get rid of that
disastrous Labour government!

“Thank you Nanny, could make you laugh til you cry –
but if you care about Britain, it could make you weep!

I’m a binge drinker and I am okay,
I piss it up Fridays and each Saturday.
My boozing’s a tribute to Labour by the way –
they don’t give a toss about late night affray,
but round the clock drinking’s increased the tax we all pay!
I shout and I fight and throw up- so they say,
I urinate, fornicate, defecate – wehey!!
Here comes “plod”, now the ambulance, I even may
need hospital, but no probs – you twats always pay
for my treatment, yet again, in drunken UK.
I do just as I please, there’s no consequence eh?

“Of course, I’l be voting for Labour today”

April 2010
Leaked Government report reveals about half of all violent crimes are alcohol related.

I’ve had my first baby, I’m just made up okay,
because I live in teenage pregnancy UK.
I still go to school, but not, of course, every day.
I live with my Mum and Nan’s come to stay.
We’re all girls together – but who cares I say,
Mum and Nan are so proud, there’s more money each day.
My baby’s Dad’s Ryan – or maybe it’s Ray,
they’ve both run away from the useless CSA,
but the Council will give me a flat anyway.
With my baby my Mum says that I’m well away,
I’ll never have to work thanks (to) benefits UK.
I’m a little bit thick, don’t think much, but I’d say,

“Yes, of course, I’ll be voting for Labour today”!!

PS. – one in 4 babies born in the UK is to a single mum – Labours “no family” way. Labour’s sex education (is) a stunning display helping children have children in “labour” UK. Those little bundles of joy for which we all pay – often for ever!!

You would just not believe the cost of paying for these children and their children.

I’ve just finished school and I am okay.
my education continues in dumbed-down UK
I’ve got 25 A levels all at Grade ‘A’.
I can’t add, read or write, S0 what would you say
is my chance of a top job with fabulous pay?
My time keeping’s poor, I oversleep every day.
My clothes are “way out”, my hair’s dyed green and grey
I’ve got tattoos and piercings and rings an array.
Okay, then I’ll settle for a little delay.
A “gap year” is perfect, twelve months away,
before wasting three more years at “Uni” UK.
Thanks to Blair, Brown, and Balls I’m happy to say,
I’ll get my “pc” degree in “transgender display”.

“Yes, of course, I’ll be voting for Labour today”!!

I’m a Large Labour Donor and I am okay,
My largesse has been nicely rewarded I’d say.
“Lord Cash Point” gave me the great news today,
I’ve now been repaid the almost guaranteed way,
through patronage from Transparent Tony – okay.
My money’s made me a Lord in Labour UK.
“Oh, of course, I’ll be voting for Labour today”

“Yes, of course, I’ll be voting for Labour today”!!

I’m a twelve year-old boy and I am okay,
There’s great news for us “nippers” in labour UK,
because the Swiss have made an announcement today.
They’re producing an extra small condom – hooray!
We’re top of Europe’s teenage pregnancy okay.
We’re the most fertile market, here in the UK.
Taught by endless sex lessons to have it away,
now boys with tiny todgers can join in and play,
as children have children in “labour” UK.
This extra small condom’s called “Hotshot” by the way.
Though “Little Tosser’s” more like it people might say,
It don’t bother me. I’ll just be shagging away.

“Yes, of course, I’ll be voting for Labour today”!!


“The REPELLENT QUINTET” (1997-2010), THE band which over Thirteen (13) Years, systematically orchestrated the demise of GREAT BRITAIN and turned it into “PLANET PATHETIC”

  • Alastair Campbell
  • John Prescott
  • Gordon Brown
  • Peter Mandelson
  • Tony Blair

The bullying scheming Conductor
was of course, perfectly placed in “The Pit”
Who can forget Doctor David Kelly’s death,
as CAMPBELL scrabbled around stirring ..shit?

The Wind section was led by old “PREZZA”
inarticulate, disjointed… both.
Devotee of the “Temple of Tracey”.
loud, bulimic, paunchy punchy great oaf.

The brooding Percussionist kept banging on.
A surly, sullen, resentful display.
Busting Britain, BROWN doled out benefits galore.
And, of course, Gordon gave our gold away.

That precious, posturing Pianist played
both on stage, but also behind the scenes.
Private loans, mortgages, dodgy deals, power –
Machiavellian “MANDY’S” now a man of means!

Leaving carnage and chaos behind him,
“Chief Fiddler”, the loathsome “BLAIR of Iraq”.
Devious, delusional, megalomaniac –
Shameful, shameless Tony has never looked back.

The Repellent Quintet is still around.
Its disreputable players are here.
They’ve sold Britain out. They all say we must stay.
So if you’re thinking like them, then ……..BEWARE.



My favourite politician,
a man who really knows how to “score”,
Is Silvio Berlusconi,
who loves a pretty young………maiden!


FIT to F**K

Problems? Worries? Credit Crunch?

Lighten up. Have a good laugh!


Escape to the hilarious, wild and “whacky”, hardcore world of
“Big Ben” Shaw OVBE*, his hot, horny, oh so cool shag buddy
Madeline Cowleigh and his crazy friends, the crude, lewd and very,
very rude co-members of the IPHC*

Join Jabba Thompson, Little Lennie, Ferret, Deppo, Tripod,
Commander Curt, Brigadier Hardcastle, G-Spot, Chief Shagger,
Bell End Boy, Stuporman and Top Gun.

Meet their guide and mentor, the charismatic, enigmatic, iconoclastic.
politically incorrect, risk-embracing old rebel, fitness supremo,
challenging philosopher – the shadowy, solitary Guru of Greyton.

Discover his unique approach to Superior Fitness, Vibrant Health,
Mind Power, Motivation, Communication, Attraction and Persuasion.
Change your life for the better, for ever!

Sex obsessed, these guys are all mad or bad – or both. Learn their
salacious, frequently scandalous, occasionally shameful, often shocking,
sometimes perhaps even solid sexual secrets as they put it about,
“end away”, endlessly. They’ll do anything to get laid.

Although heavily disguised here, each one of them is living amongst us now.
Their stories, insanely unbelievable as many are, have actually happened. These tales are true…

The PA’s Lament

I worked my butt off for Goddard.
For three years he got on my tits.
And I had to endure
that old “perv” next door,
rambling on about his dangling bits.

I worked my butt off for Goddard.
at first, I tried hard to impress.
But after a while,
I forgot how to smile.
He just wanted to get up my dress.

I worked my butt off for Goddard.
The staff were a bunch of spare parts –
Neurosis, psychosis…
But beyond diagnosis,
were PJ’s vegetarian farts.

I worked my butt off for Goddard.
For three years he got on my tits.
And I’ll tell you right now
that I just don’t know how
I spent all that time with those shits!!!!!!

Madeline Cowley as told to Ben Shaw – copyright November 21012, Madeline Cowley features significantly in “Fit to F**K” written by Ben Shaw from the Publishers Absolutely Appalling Publications.

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